Working Fail

Seeking Wicked Smart, Hard Working Writer For Good Times, No Pay!

// August 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you’re looking to work in internet marketing, it’s very important to build your own personal brand. You want your industry peers to know who you are, and you must earn their respect and attention. If you’re going to have someone else do all of that for you, we strongly suggest that you at least offer them a fair wage.

From the listing:

If you enjoy reading and learning about marketing, especially Internet related marketing, this may be the internship for you. I need someone to go and read marketing and business material at a variety of blogs and news sources online, and make real (not spammy) comments (thought provoking or insightful or funny comments) on the content of each of the posts on those blogs.

You must be:

Wicked smart
Detail oriented
A great communicator
Trustworthy
Hardworking
Adaptable
Insightful
A native English speaker
Someone who LOVES business/marketing
Someone who has an extremely positive attitude toward life
Someone with your own computer and internet connection
Someone with an intense desire to win and be the best
Someone who works independently

Funny is a plus
Speed reading skills a plus.

I expect you to be a rock star at writing.

You will be making connections with some of the most popular business/marketing minds in the English-speaking world, so it’s important that your comments are interesting, helpful, and build relationships within the blogs you’re commenting on.

You will need to respond to the content as soon as possible after it is posted (which means subscribing to the blogs in an RSS Reader like Google Reader, and possibly having updates sent to your phone or email, whichever will let you post responses most quickly).

If you’re not familiar with RSS/XML/Google Reader, this internship isn’t for you.

I will be sending you an OPML (XML) list of blogs you will need to import and then read and monitor in your Google Reader account.

The first 30-45 days of this work will be an unpaid internship. At which time, if there is a mutual fit and the work you’ve done has been done in a quality fashion, we will negotiate an hourly rate not to exceed $9/hour.

So they want someone to build their personal brand for them without pay for the first month, and then for substandard pay after that? A word to the wise – don’t underpay the people that control how the rest of the world views you… it could very well blow up in your face.

Thanks to Carrie for the tip!

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Make Fifty Cents An Hour! Must Be Some Good In Typing!

// July 20th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Are you a hobo with internet access? Have I got a job for you! You could earn an impressive 50 cents per hour!

From the listing:

You need to convert captcha to text.

1) You must work atleast 2 hours a day

2) I can pay only 0.5 $ per hour.

3)Please talk  or chat with me through gtalk(lokesh755@gmail.com) or through skype(lokesh755).

4)You must be some good in typing..

Lowest bid gets work soon..

The thing I find most upsetting is that he expects offers lower than the “0.5$” (more commonly known as fifty cents) per hour that he’s offering.

Thanks to Worth More for the tip!

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This is Lucrative and Realistic, I Promise

// June 26th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Sometimes you get the feeling that people must know what you’re thinking as you read it, and they try to reassure you with things like “this is realistic” or “perfectly legal, I swear!” and then we fell all better about any doubts we’ve had.

From the listing:

“Ghost Writer Needed”
“I have 3 books to write. I suck at typing but have an incredible imagination and ability to communicate in a captivating and compelling manner. The stories that we write will start as novels and then be converted to movie scripts. The possibilities are not only very lucrative but very realistic. If writing has been a passion of yours and you want to cash in on your talent, please call me.(or text) xxx-xxx-xxxx
Thanks.

Roma Pelletier

* Compensation: a percentage of all sales of finished product yet to be determined”

So you can’t type, but you have great ideas you can communicate in a compelling manner… it sounds like you might not need a “ghost writer” but more of a typist. Either way, thanks for letting us know that it’s lucrative and realistic, as opposed to the 50 million other listings on craigslist that aren’t realistic or lucrative. It’s good to set yourself apart this way.

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“Well Known” Magazine Seeks Writers For Good Times, And No Pay

// June 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Magazines make money on ads. Advertisers don’t advertise in magazines without articles worth reading. Therefore, successful magazines pay their writers.

From the listing:

Local well known magazine is looking for a woman to write an essay about growing older. Do you look in the mirror and still feel like (for example) you’re 16 but have a 40-year-old face staring back at you? Looking for approx. 800 words. We are not offering monetary compensation, but you will receive a byline, short end bio (if you require), and listing in the masthead. Distribution of approx. 27,000 to high-end readers.

If you are chosen to write the story, your deadline would be Fri., June 12. If you are interested, please send an email with your name, age, city, and a brief reason why you’d be the perfect one to write the article. Please include a writing sample, as well.

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

Why do I get the feeling that this magazine isn’t actually well known?

So you want interesting content for your magazine, but you just don’t want to pay for it….. good luck with that

Thanks to Melanie for the tip!

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No One On The Internet Knows What The Word “Contest” Means

// May 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Most of the time when we run a post about a contest designed to rip off talented people, it only involves stealing their work, not their money. This listing manages to do both!

From the listing:

SpeaQ Productions introduces our 1st annual Poetry Contest! 

We are now accepting entries into our poetry contest. It will be an open format, anything goes contest.  ALL Styles!!

We will select one winner that will receive a $50 prize. 

The fee will be $5.00 for every 2 poems you submit.

Please attach all entries in the same E-mail with your paypal receipt.  You can also submit by mail with  to:  P.O. Box 15784  Sacramento, Ca 95852. Cash,cashiers check or money order ONLY!

Paypal email to send payment is : speaqpro@aol.com

The Winning poem will be posted right on the web page, as well as placed in a upcoming book.  Please include any information you would like posted with your poem.

Poems will be judged on originality and artistic style. 

and now, an excerpt from the “contest” rules:

Eligibility: The SP Poetry Contest  is open to ALL. Each entrant may submit two  poems at a time(up to 10 poems) of no less than 5 lines on any subject, and in any form. All submissions become the property of SP Poetry  Contest and will be considered for publication in a forthcoming anthology and may appear on this website.

So what does it all mean? Well, it means that you pay them $5 per poem, and they then own the rights to use your poem as they see fit. All poems submitted will be considered for publication. So, let’s recap here. You pay $5 per poem you’d like to submit to them. They then take those poems, and publish a book full of them. One lucky entrant might win $50.

Let me sum it up in one sentence. You’re paying to publish their book full of your work, which they intend on profiting on. Don’t be a sucker, avoid this scam like the plague.

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If You Thought $1 a Page Was Great, Check This Out

// May 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you think $1 a page to edit an essay for a student is bad, then get a load of the author who wants someone to edit his book for less than 30-60 cents a page!

Recently finished manuscript . Looking for an editor to read and edit the manuscript. The book deals with life in israel. If interested please email me back to discuss payment from between $50 – $100 negotiable. Manuscript is 167 pages some double spaced.

If by “edit” you mean “wipe my ass with” then sure, I’ll do it!

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I’m Paying $1 a Page to Edit Papers

// May 20th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

Two of them actually. 5 pages each. That’s like… I don’t know, a lot of money I think.

From the listing:

I need someone to edit two papers by 10:00pm today eastern standard time

Pay
$1.00 per page.
The paper are 5 pages each.
There are two papers.

* Location: New York
* Compensation: $1.00 per page

“Yeah man, I’ll edit your papers for $10.”

A few hours later… “They’re PERFECT. Don’t change a thing.”

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It’s a Descriptive Essay

// May 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

There’s no set up for this one:

It’s a descriptive essay all about my dog she is a yorky it has to be 2 pages double spaced 12pt font. i will give you whatever information you need about my dog it needs to be done before next thursday i did it once and it wasn’t good enough i don’t know anything about writing papers so please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am out of work right now but i’ll pay whatever it takes to get a good grade

So who let the 3rd grader post a job listing?

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Photo by msmelva

Write My Book For Me, And I Promise To Share The Profits With You

// May 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

I Have a great idea for a book, but I just suck-out-loud when it comes to writing. Hmmmmm….. I know! I’ll hire someone to write the book for me, and I’ll even share the profits with them when the money comes rolling in! I’m soooooooo smart, and sooooooo generous!

From the listing:

Writer wanted to write a 150 page book from existing materials. Book is about all about how to set up and operate natural body and face renewal center. It’s talks about the history, science tools, and training. It covers the methods, regulations, results and features interviews with clients. It is basically a how to guide. Natural healing is a very hot market. Natural aesthetics is spreading quickly and there is demand for information on the subject.

We provide all source materials, testamonials, printing, and promotion for the book. You organize and write the draft, we will provide a professional editor to review, we will print and we will have an agreement share the revenues that result from sales.

• Location: United States
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

If you don’t want to pay a writer, then here’s a suggestion: Write your own damned book.

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How’s $2.50 for 500 words? No? What about Half a Penny Per Word?

// May 8th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Has anyone ever gotten a paycheck that included half a cent? I mean since like 1802?

Fail:

We are a hospitality company looking for freelance bloggers willing to blog about our business. Work from home as many hours a week as you’d like. Paid by the word. Applicants must be very familiar with blogs, Internet searches and must have good spelling and grammar. All blogs must be tracked and sumbitted for verification. You will be paid every Friday via Paypal. If interested, please send your resume.

* Compensation: Half cent per word

All joking aside from the whole “half cent” thing, you’re talking $2.50 for a 500 word article, which isn’t a lot considering you’re not asking middle schoolers to write this, but professionals who are “very familiar with blogs.” This listing doesn’t even break 100 words and it certainly wasn’t “sumbitted” with good spelling and grammar, so we think you may not understand what goes into writing a 500 word article, let alone editing one.

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