Working Fail

Help Everyone Survive The Recession… And By “Everyone” We Mean Some Scammers

// August 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Are you a patriot? Do you know all about social networking buzz words? Have we got an unpaid internship for you!

From the listing:

We are looking for college students with experience with social applications such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, etc. Your job will be to become a creative part of a new social experience, helping bring back jobs and a sense of community to our nation.

Our grass-roots effort requires creative writing and developing quality content. You will need to blog, bulletin, tweet, post, feed, get friends and develop followers.

Get involved in something that not only supports you, but your friends, family, neighbors and the country.

Requirements:

Must have knowledge of social applications such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Ning, iMeem, Last, LinkedIn, Tagged, bebo, etc.
Must have a strong vocabulary and creating writing skills
Must be a fan of pop culture, politics, economics and world culture

Please contact… email: intern@usa-c.com
Our website is http://www.usa-c.com

• Location: Delray Beach, FL
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

All we really know about this “company” is that they know a lot of internet buzz words like “bulletin” and “feed”, and that they aggregate other people’s content on their site, and that they’re charging people for the use of their meaningless logo. Oh, and they don’t want to pay for labor.

From their site:

What You Get

• Use of USA-C logo for labeling, marketing and branding
• Style guide for use of logo plus suggestions for you to maximize the use of the logo
• Link from our website to your website
• Certificate with registered number
• Consumers instantly recognize your products are USA-Certified, complying to US Laws

So by paying to use their logo on your site or product, you’re showing consumers that you adhere to all the laws you have to adhere to in order to do business in this country?!? I really hate people who take advantage of other peoples’ patriotism to make a buck.

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Just Because Your Coffee House Is Doing Poorly Doesn’t Make it “Non Profit”

// August 4th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Non profit organizations often do very good work for charitable causes. Those organizations generally accept and process donations on behalf of a charity. Sometimes, they offer a product or service in exchange for you donation. Let’s be clear though – retailers and restaurants are seldom in business for someone else’s gain.

From the listing:

We’re looking for someone who loves acoustic music and would love to design some posters / flyers for our non-profit coffeehouse in Marblehead.
We’d love to develop a cool “branding” for our posters —something eye catching and very friendly—-
Our season starts in mid-September so we’ll need our September posters soon!

Perks: free admission to shows and a great deal on drinks / goodies.

Hope to hear from you!

So in exchange for hundreds of dollars worth of work, I’ll get a couple free cups of coffee, and admission into some shows…. no thanks, I’ll just take the money.

Also, a non profit coffee house?? Seriously? At least come up with a believable lie when you’re fishing for free labor.

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Wanna Build A Video Game For Free?

// August 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Developing a video game takes a lot of work. The game engine needs to be programmed, all of the characters and environments need to be modeled in 3D, and the whole package needs to be tweaked, and tested for playability….. but one unpaid “intern” should be able to handle most of that, right?

From the listing:

Summary of Responsibilities: Develop Game play systems as per cross-platform applications requirements. Responsible for development of innate 3D interactive experiences.

Qualifications: Strong math skills, Familiarity with Maya, Blender, Cinema 4D or similar application, apart from on hands experience of C++, C# and Game Programming.

Job Type: Pre-Professional (Internship)

Name of Employer: Third-Row, LCC

Salary: Unpaid Internship

Specific information to apply for the position: Email Scott Shaw [scott@third-row.com]

In an internship, it’s legally required that the intern not be doing a heavy load of work, and that they be learning valuable skills while on the job. In this case, it sounds like neither is true.

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Seeking Wicked Smart, Hard Working Writer For Good Times, No Pay!

// August 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you’re looking to work in internet marketing, it’s very important to build your own personal brand. You want your industry peers to know who you are, and you must earn their respect and attention. If you’re going to have someone else do all of that for you, we strongly suggest that you at least offer them a fair wage.

From the listing:

If you enjoy reading and learning about marketing, especially Internet related marketing, this may be the internship for you. I need someone to go and read marketing and business material at a variety of blogs and news sources online, and make real (not spammy) comments (thought provoking or insightful or funny comments) on the content of each of the posts on those blogs.

You must be:

Wicked smart
Detail oriented
A great communicator
Trustworthy
Hardworking
Adaptable
Insightful
A native English speaker
Someone who LOVES business/marketing
Someone who has an extremely positive attitude toward life
Someone with your own computer and internet connection
Someone with an intense desire to win and be the best
Someone who works independently

Funny is a plus
Speed reading skills a plus.

I expect you to be a rock star at writing.

You will be making connections with some of the most popular business/marketing minds in the English-speaking world, so it’s important that your comments are interesting, helpful, and build relationships within the blogs you’re commenting on.

You will need to respond to the content as soon as possible after it is posted (which means subscribing to the blogs in an RSS Reader like Google Reader, and possibly having updates sent to your phone or email, whichever will let you post responses most quickly).

If you’re not familiar with RSS/XML/Google Reader, this internship isn’t for you.

I will be sending you an OPML (XML) list of blogs you will need to import and then read and monitor in your Google Reader account.

The first 30-45 days of this work will be an unpaid internship. At which time, if there is a mutual fit and the work you’ve done has been done in a quality fashion, we will negotiate an hourly rate not to exceed $9/hour.

So they want someone to build their personal brand for them without pay for the first month, and then for substandard pay after that? A word to the wise – don’t underpay the people that control how the rest of the world views you… it could very well blow up in your face.

Thanks to Carrie for the tip!

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Use Someone Else’s Work In Your Portfolio

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Not that we ever think it’s okay to work for free to “build your portfolio” however, if you’re going to do that (perhaps for a friend) at least make sure that you can use it in your portfolio.

From the listing:

“Adult production company needs artist to take rough sketch and idea for our logo and make it a reality. All design concepts are complete. We simply need someone who can create the finished project. Looking for a student or someone who is developing a portfolio.

Thank you”

If the design is already done then it doesn’t belong to the student, hence it’s not a portfolio piece. Duh.

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Brand New Website That Doesn’t Exist Yet Runs Contests Every Month

// July 9th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

We think T-shirt contests on established websites are cool… it’s a great way for artist to get their work out to the public. But we’re hesitant to suggest that you give your work up to just any t-shirt website because nowadays they’re a dime a dozen and you might never get seen. That’s why when we see listings like this we check out the website and see what their alexa rank is.

From the listing:

“Every month CoffeyInk.com has a themed online t shirt design contest. The winner will be featured on the website next month and have your illistration/graphic design featured on our silk screened T-shirt for everyone to see. Next month’s theme will be
RAINING PICKLES, be creative, be funny, be however you want to be. You can submit a scanned drawing or graphic design. The deadline for this contest is on July 25th. Please have your submissions emailed us to then. Email at Contact@CoffeyInk.com.
We are super stoked about seeing your designs.

COFFEYINK”

However in this case, they don’t even have a website yet. It’s just a parked Godaddy website. Who do they think they’re fooling when they say “every month” they have a contest? Maybe every month they try to scam some free t-shirt ideas out of poor unsuspecting artists.

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Free Bad Marketing Strategy in Exchange for Giant Backyard Mural

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Wow, paintings of dogs? What a novel idea!

From the Listing:

“I have 4 dogs and thought how great would it be to paint a mural on my back fence of them. when looking off the deck to the back i could always see my dogs. thats where you come in. help me with this and if it turns out good i could niche market it for you in my area. i will go to pet stores and hang flyers at local places and get you alot of work. this is a novel idea and i have the resources to make it happen.

Joey”

Wow, usually people will insist that they’ll do all the marketing for you regardless of how it turns out when soliciting free work. This is kind of ridiculous. You know, I could go to pet stores and what not and show them pictures of my work too. Oh wait, I don’t have the resources to make it happen like Joey does.

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Yogi Seeks Photographer For Good Times, No Pay

// July 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Generally speaking, if you submit a book to a publisher that requires illustrations, or photographs, the publisher will pick up the tab for  said illustrations, or photographs if they’re interested in publishing your book.

From the listing:

Greetings, I am a yogi and artist and have a book idea in mind. I will require a [digital] photographer to take some shots of me doing various yoga poses. The photographer should be comfortable with working outdoors with natural light in various locations(i.e. be able to get your feet wet, climb up steep hills, maybe some trees, etc). The photographer should also be comfortable with the nude male form, as that is a part of the project. We would be collaborating to make a book dummy to submit for publication. There would be no monetary compensation at this point, but of course, once we generate interest from a publisher, we would figure out just payment for both parties. This would be perfect for recent VCU graduates looking to expand their portfolios and perhaps even get a great book out on the selves! Further questions, concerns and all that can be discussed once I find the right photographer. I look forward to working with you! Namaste!

So I have to take my expensive DSLR camera on a lengthy outdoor hike through streams and up mountains to photograph some naked guy stretching without any promise of pay? Thanks, but no thanks.

Thanks to Brandon H. for the tip!

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Happy 4th of July! Last Minute Artist Needed…

// July 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Happy Independence Day! Hopefully everyone’s having a good time and not worrying about stupid job listings like this one today…

From the listing:

“I am having a party tonight for the 4th. It is also my b-day.
I was hoping that an airbrush artist could come and make t-shirts for people.
I can not pay you anything, but I think the party will be highly attended and you can charge your own rates for shirts and services to buyers.
This would be a good impromptu way to make some money on the 4th!

Caricatures, cool cars, skulls, clowns, babes, etc.”

Good luck with that. We imagine anyone GOOD is hanging out where the tourists hang out and don’t need your crappy party.

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Photo by jmurawski

Non Profit Organizations Are Still Supposed To Pay For Work!!

// July 3rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

There seems to be a lot of confusion about non-profit organizations and whether or not you should be paid for the work you do for them. First off, non-profits do bring in money, either through the sale of merchandise or services, or from the donations of people who believe in their cause. Before any of that money is redistributed to their cause of choice, the bills get paid, and everyone working there gets a paycheck. “OMG you’re blowing my mind!! Doesn’t non-profit mean they don’t make money??” No – it just means the primary goal of the organization is charity, not profit. Where as a regular company puts all the money left over after paying salaries and bills into their bank account, non-profits put that money into their cause of choice. Here’s a fine example of a company trying to play on the misconception that no one gets paid for working for a non-profit organization.

From the listing:

We are a very small non-profit that is trying to redo our website with the help of a template program. We are in need of a web designer or web design student to volunteer some time to help us get the site up and running. We’ve already begun and know what we want, we just need someone who can do it faster than we can and perhaps help with writing a little HTML. As a non-profit we cannot offer pay for the services but you may use the site in your portfolio and perhaps take advantage of using our facility or services. Looking to do this ASAP so let me know if you are interested.

Thanks!!

Now, let me be clear here – I don’t hate charity. If you believe in the cause a non-profit is pushing, then sure, donate some time or money to their cause. It’s fishy to see a listing like this that makes no mention of exactly what cause you’re supposed to be donating your time to. Maybe they’re a legitimate non-profit that just neglected to mention who they are or what they do, or maybe they’re a shady company taking some liberties with the definition of non-profit in an effort to get their site designed for free. Any time you’re considering donating some time to a non-profit, don’t hesitate to ask for documentation of their charitable work, and don’t be afraid to ask that your work be tracked while working for them – after all, if they’re legit, you might be able to get a tax write off for your time.

UPDATE: Thanks to a tip from Jim Lillicotch, and a little additional research, we’ve discovered that you can’t directly deduct time spent working for a non profit as a charitable donation, however, you MAY be able to deduct it as a business expense. Talk to an accountant before doing any volunteer work – it may ease your financial burdens when tax time comes around!

Thanks to Larry S. for the tip!

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