Working Fail

Come To My House, And Design Websites For Free!

// July 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It goes without saying (or at least it SHOULD go without saying) that you shouldn’t just go to a strangers house to hang out for eight hours a day. Especially if that stranger expects you to work for free for three months.

From the listing:

I am start my internship program again in hopes to find and new person to train and later have work for my small business. This is a home business. We do web design and cumputer support and you will need to learn both to stary after the internship. The training is 3 months and PLEASE if you can’t do the training in 3 months or do with out pay for the 3 months DO not contact us. WE will no longer be training and paying interns to train them.

So this guy wants an “intern” to go to his house, and work for his “company” for THREE MONTHS without pay….. well….  that might be ok if he’s wealthy, and is planning on providing room and board for those three months.

Thanks to Michael B for the tip!

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Master Communicator Seeks Free Labor

// June 20th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

Surely any company that includes clients from a variety of industries can afford to pay their employees.

From the listing:

I just launched a small public relations/public affairs firm that includes a variety of industies and am looking for someone who is willing to create a terrific and interactive website for the new business. The job would be unpaid but I’m a master at connecting and promoting; will barter and happy to tap into my personal connections for the right person. Need someone who is reliable!
Also looking for a communications intern who can help with pitching, writing, business development etc. who can work from home as well.

It doesn’t say much for your PR company when you’re referring to yourself as a  “master at connecting and promoting” but business is going so poorly that you just can’t afford to pay for your website. Also, why does this master of all things PR related need help writing, pitching, and business development?

Thanks to Jim L for tipping us on this PR company’s PR disaster!

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Hey, At Least They’re Honest

// May 22nd, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

We come across a lot of listings for internships that aren’t really internships. No college credit is offered, no pay (or very little pay)  is offered, and the requirements are often ridiculous! So what sets this listing apart? They’re honest about the fact that you’re an intern in title only.

From the listing:

A small, potentially high growth cell phone accessory company seeks a summer intern who could potentially continue working thru the school year. The individual hired will learn the basics of running a small business: customer service, technical support, inventory management, invoicing, packaging, shipping, etc. A technical background is preferable, spanish language skills are helpful (not vital, but helpful), and a self-starter with a great and flexible attitude is a must. The title of this gig is intern, but you will be an integral part of the team, with as much responsibility as you can handle. If you’re interested, please contact us and we will tell you more!

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $10 an hour

So you’re looking for a bilingual “intern” with a strong technical background to be an integral part of the team….. you may want to consider offering more than $10 per hour. Hey, at least they lay it all out in the listing.

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Internet Guru Needed For Unpaid Internship

// May 13th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

Guru:  noun

1. Hinduism. a preceptor giving personal religious instruction.
2. an intellectual or spiritual guide or leader.
3. any person who counsels or advises; mentor: The elder senator was her political guru. 
4. a leader in a particular field: the city’s cultural gurus. 

Paid Internship! And By Paid We Mean Not Paid

// May 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s totally understandable that internships aren’t always paid… in very competitive industries it’s often the only way to get the experience you need. And if an internship is paid, that’s really great. Unfortunately not everyone seems to know what “paid” means.

From the listing:

Paid marketing internship at a local music company (Minneapolis)

Our company is currently hiring summer marketing interns. We encourage both men and women to apply but are particularly interested in providing opportunities to aspiring female marketing students.

For the qualified college aged individual, this would allow you to get hands on experience working with local and national acts, learn about the operations of a full-scale music company and be behind the scenes for the music making process: recording sessions, photo shoots, video shoots and putting on large scale shows.

Hands on learning would come from creating marketing materials and assisting with promotional efforts.

Qualifications:
Exceptional computer skills
Prefer experience with InDesign, Photoshop, Illustrator and Final Cut Pro
Excellent written skills
Excellent communication skills
Ability to multi-task
Quick learner

After completing 100 hours our interns would be eligible for $700 of studio time, photography, videography or shared music practice space. Please provide a resume and cover letter when replying.

* Location: Minneapolis
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $700 in studio time, photography, videography or shared practice space

So you’re looking for someone who’s skilled in graphics and writing and you’re offering them studio time at your music company in exchange for 100 hours of their time. Can I just take the $7 an hour?

Oh and I’m sure that you are interested in providing females a (small) opportunity you perverts…

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Shoot And Edit Our Sitcom With Your Professional Equipment! Pay? What’s That?

// May 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

You know what I like to do for fun on an easy breezy Sunday afternoon? Lug a bunch of video and lighting equipment around, and then spend hours at the computer editing a crappy online sitcom for someone who doesn’t even know how to spell sitcom.

From the listing:

SEEKING SELF-STARTER FOR ON-LINE SITCOME, INTERNS WELCOME. MUST HAVE 3CCD CAMERA AND LIGHTS, BE EFFICIENT IN FINAL CUT/PREMIER AND DIGITAL EDITING

www.youtube.com/metrosouthmedia

• Location: METRO ATLANTA
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

If you want a talented videographer, you’re going to have to pay them for their time and effort. Alternately you could get a camera yourself, and have a friend shoot your “ON-LINE SITCOME” for you. Alternately you could stick to selling  furniture.

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Seeking Web Savy Sucker

// May 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you have “insane webs skills”, have some experience with videos and podcasts, and don’t want to make more than $100 a week, then this job is for you!

Seeking intern to work for new media company focused on social media, new media podcasting and video production. We will train you on social media, video production and podcast creation. Need self starter that has insane web skills and works well with MAC and PC. Pay is minimum contract at 12-15 hours per week (possible more) through the summer with potential to come on staff as we build here in South Florida.

If you have any twitter pages, facebook, blogs, websites or video and podcast samples send us links that will get you up on the list fast.

* Compensation: Minimum pay as intern 7.00 per hour

Is it just us or is that a lot of responsibility for $7 an hour? You’d basically be part of the branding and public image for this company and they don’t want to pay you enough to take it seriously. That should play out pretty interestingly for them…

Yeah, we know it’s an internship but at $7 an hour we’d rather see “no pay” with college credit.

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Who Could Pass Up A Golding Opprotunity?

// May 5th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Have you heard of Def Jam Records? You’re not alone – the author of this particular job listing has heard of them too!

From the listing:

HERE S THE DEAL, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH LA FACE RECORD OR BAD BOY RECORD HOW ABOUT DEF JAM RECORDS

I’M PRETTY SURE YOU ARE, WELL NOW THAT WHOLE PHANOMINOM IS GETTING READY TO HAPPEN AGAIN, BOTH MY PARTNER AND I ARE MULTI PLATINUM MUSIC PRODUCERS WHO HAS WORKED IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS WITH MAJOR LABEL ARTIST AND NOW WE’RE GETTING READY TO LAUNCH OWER ON THING ,STARTING WITH A FEW OF OUR OWN ATISTS THIS MONTH ,WE’RE LOOKING FOR SOME YOUNG, ENERGETIC,SMART ,HARD WORKING PEOPLE WHO WANT TO RAISE TO THE TOP WITH THE NEXT BIG THING [ CREATIVE MINDS ] THIS YEAR IS OUR YEAR AND IT COULD BE YOURS TO, CALL US AT ::770 281 8735 EXT 3032 OR EMAIL US AT CREATIVE MINDZ@GMAIL.COM SEND US YOUR RESUME IF INTERESTED,.ASK FOR STEVE

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: TRY US OUT ,IF WE LIKE WHAT YOUR DOING, EVENTALLY WE WILL START TALKING MONEY

After I sorted through all of the spelling and grammatical errors and figured out what the poster was getting at, I was left with one question: Does he know that to qualify as a “multi platinum” producer, you have to have produced at least one album that has sold over two million copies?  I don’t think he knows where he is right now, let alone what multi platinum means.

We don’t usually bother mentioning the title to the job posting , but in this case, we’ll make an exception:

-INTERNS -INTERNS -INTERNS -GOLDING OPPORTUNITY

Priceless.

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I’M BROKE BUT I HAVE A GREAT IDEA FOR A BUSINESS DO THE WORK FOR ME K THX BAI

// April 29th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Calling a position an internship doesn’t automatically negate any over the top requirements you have of said intern. If you need an experienced employee capable of maintaining high level client relations, be prepared to pay that person a reasonable wage. Just starting out? Why not consider a business loan? If your idea really is great, and you really know what you’re doing, a bank will definitely lend you money so you can pay your staff.

From the listing:

EXPERIENCED PR PROFESSIONAL, WITH MAJOR CONTACTS AND RELATIONSHIPS IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY IS LOOKING FOR AN ASSISTANT/INTERN.

I AM LAUNCHING A PR COMPANY IN PHILADELPHIA SOON, BUT RIGHT NOW HAVE MORE CLIENTS THAN TIME TO BUILD MY COMPANY. IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN SPECIAL EVENTS, PARTIES, FASHION, CELEBRITIES, MUSIC, ETC ETC — PLEASE SEND YOUR RESUME. THIS POSITION IS VERY MOBILE, SO I NEED SOMEONE WITH THEIR OWN COMPUTER/WIRELESS INTERNET ACCESS (DOESNT HAVE TO BE 24 HOUR ACCESS). I NEED SOMEONE WHO IS COMPUTER LITERATE, A GREAT WRITER AND A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY!

I AM LOOKING FOR A HARD-WORKING, TRUSTWORTHY, DEDICATED INTERN WITH SOME EXPERIENCE IN PR OR PROMOTIONS. I NEED SOMEONE WHO CAN ATTEND EVENTS, LATE NIGHT PARTIES, WORK ON A FLEXIBLE SCHEDULE, HANDLE ADMINISTRATIVE TASKS, EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND REALLY REALLY HAS A PASSION FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS AND THIS INDUSTRY.

SOME OF THE DUTIES WILL BE:

- CREATING LISTS FOR CLIENTS
- ATTENDING EVENTS FOR CLIENTS
- HEAVY PHONE USAGE, PITCHING CLIENTS AND SPECIAL EVENTS TO MEDIA
- CONSTANT EMAILING

CAN NOT PAY IMMEDIATELY, BUT WILL PAY AS MORE CLIENTS ARE BOOKED.

So, you’ll pay as soon as someone pays you…. hmmmmmm…….

One other thing – talking in all caps makes you sound like a tool. If you type in all caps, chances are you either don’t know how to use your computer,  you’re not very professional, or some combination of the two.

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