Working Fail

Brand New Website That Doesn’t Exist Yet Runs Contests Every Month

// July 9th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

We think T-shirt contests on established websites are cool… it’s a great way for artist to get their work out to the public. But we’re hesitant to suggest that you give your work up to just any t-shirt website because nowadays they’re a dime a dozen and you might never get seen. That’s why when we see listings like this we check out the website and see what their alexa rank is.

From the listing:

“Every month CoffeyInk.com has a themed online t shirt design contest. The winner will be featured on the website next month and have your illistration/graphic design featured on our silk screened T-shirt for everyone to see. Next month’s theme will be
RAINING PICKLES, be creative, be funny, be however you want to be. You can submit a scanned drawing or graphic design. The deadline for this contest is on July 25th. Please have your submissions emailed us to then. Email at Contact@CoffeyInk.com.
We are super stoked about seeing your designs.

COFFEYINK”

However in this case, they don’t even have a website yet. It’s just a parked Godaddy website. Who do they think they’re fooling when they say “every month” they have a contest? Maybe every month they try to scam some free t-shirt ideas out of poor unsuspecting artists.

Full Listing

Free Bad Marketing Strategy in Exchange for Giant Backyard Mural

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Wow, paintings of dogs? What a novel idea!

From the Listing:

“I have 4 dogs and thought how great would it be to paint a mural on my back fence of them. when looking off the deck to the back i could always see my dogs. thats where you come in. help me with this and if it turns out good i could niche market it for you in my area. i will go to pet stores and hang flyers at local places and get you alot of work. this is a novel idea and i have the resources to make it happen.

Joey”

Wow, usually people will insist that they’ll do all the marketing for you regardless of how it turns out when soliciting free work. This is kind of ridiculous. You know, I could go to pet stores and what not and show them pictures of my work too. Oh wait, I don’t have the resources to make it happen like Joey does.

Full Listing

Happy 4th of July! Last Minute Artist Needed…

// July 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Happy Independence Day! Hopefully everyone’s having a good time and not worrying about stupid job listings like this one today…

From the listing:

“I am having a party tonight for the 4th. It is also my b-day.
I was hoping that an airbrush artist could come and make t-shirts for people.
I can not pay you anything, but I think the party will be highly attended and you can charge your own rates for shirts and services to buyers.
This would be a good impromptu way to make some money on the 4th!

Caricatures, cool cars, skulls, clowns, babes, etc.”

Good luck with that. We imagine anyone GOOD is hanging out where the tourists hang out and don’t need your crappy party.

Full Listing

Photo by jmurawski

Free Tattoo Art and Brain Needed

// June 26th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

There are so many listings from people seeking “original” tattoo art for free. I think people confuse the term “original” with the term “new.” You see there’s an enormous amount of uncharted artistic territory on the internet. There are some artists that would gleefully give you permission to have their work tattooed on you, as long as they were properly credited of course. Then you just need to trot on down to a tat shop and have them rework the image so it can be a great piece of body art.

When I see listings like this I think it mostly comes down to sheer laziness. You know, having an idea is easy. So is pawning off the work of manifesting it. But seeking out existing art and asking for permission…that’s just really hard. Why would you want to invest that much energy into something that will be on your body forever?

Hi,
I want to get a tatoo. But I want something orginal. Im sick of seeing everyone with the same tatoo. I wanted to know if someone would be creative enough to design it for me? I dont have any pay…I know I might seem a little dumb putting this up here…but hey, you never know. Please e-mail me if your intrested. If it helps, I’ll tell everyone who designed me tat!

Thanks So Much

How did you plan on paying for the tattoo itself with no funds? And as I know I’ve said before, who the hell are you to think your word of mouth means jack? Well buddy you got the right idea…asking for free, original, made to order work does sound dumb. And hey, you’re right again because there may be someone even dumber than you willing to do it…but I bet that’s because they’re 14 and have no bills to pay.

Full Listing

The Problem Is Bigger Than We Thought

// June 16th, 2009 // 9 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Normally we post the uninformed requests of small companies, and the greedy desires of internet scammers, make a snarky joke at their expense, and try to provide some helpful information to both employers and potential employees in the process. This one is different. There will be no sarcastic quips directed at the employer, and how ignorant they are, because in this case, the employer should know better.
(more…)

Artist Who’s Hobby is Working for Free Needed

// June 12th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s amazing how job posters can really contradict themselves in the same listing…

“looking for someone who can draw and is very creative. need a model/artists rendition of my new restraunt/business idea. a few inside angle views in color based on some ideas that i give you.”

Anyone who’s done interior work like this knows that it takes a lot time and lots of planning and correct perspective. A restaurant in particular with lots of tables and chairs might require some objects being on different angles, etc. This is no easy task.

“looking for this cheap or free (if its just a hobby of yours)…let me know.”

Errr… no.

“i realize this is how people make a living.”

No you don’t! You just said you want a hobbyist to do it for free!

“about 8-10 drawing/pics total. just 8×10 maybe larger. well start with one pic as an interview to see if our styles match or ideas are coming out like i would like. eventually this will be part of my business plan so it has to be good. send me some examples of your portfolio.”

And OF COURSE you want one for free before you commit… EVEN THOUGH you’ll be viewing their portfolio first. If someone’s capable you’ll know from their portfolio.

Are you going to ask your cooks to make some meals for customers for free to see if they like them first? Or better yet let your customers eat there once or twice before they really decide they like it enough to pay you? And by the way, if you’re going to open a “restraunt” LEARN HOW TO SPELL RESTAURANT!

Full Listing

Draw My Comic – No Pay

// May 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

I’m going to let all you would-be comic strip writers in on a little secret about artists: they’re creative people, and they might very well have their own ideas for a comic strip, if that’s the sort of thing they’re inclined to draw. In other words, a talented artist interested in drawing comic strips probably isn’t interested in spending hours upon hours drawing for you for free.

From the listing:

I handle the writing and rough sketch ideas, and you draw. Similar to “The Far Side”. This is in early stage, so no pay for now. Good experience and nice add to your portfolio. Have about 30 or so to do at the outset which will be shown to media outlets as well as *hopefully* a website dedicated solely to this strip. Drawings will be basic black & white. But characters (mostly animals) must be humorous and well-done.

Want someone with a strong work ethic, who is dedicated and sincere, and who has appreciation for parody and sarcastic humor.

Pay will be based upon any income derived from strip.

So basically, you want a talented artist with no ideas of their own to draw your comic strip for free. You forgot to mention that they will be required to ride to work every day on a unicorn, which is reasonable since neither the type of artist you’re looking for, nor the unicorn exists.

Full Listing

No Cash, But Plenty of Buzz Words

// May 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Sounds interesting….

We have an awesome story that needs your illustration to make it pop off the page. We need it quickly, too. Send us some samples of what you do, and we’ll give details the on assignment.
Kickstand Magazine is a national publication launching nationally in June. We are a grass roots start up so we don’t have cash to pay. So if you are an up and coming artist who wants exposure in a national magazine and get in on the ground floor with a publication that is going to have paid assignments real soon.

… but since you’re pretty sure that you’ll have paid assignments “real soon” then I’ll hold off a little longer on giving you free work. Something doesn’t add up right with “grass roots start up” and “launching nationally” unless you have a diseases that causes you to speak only in buzz words.

Full Listing

Oblivious Author Seeking Oblivious Artist For Good Times

// May 2nd, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

There’s just so much wrong with this, it hurts.

Hello,

I am looking for an illustrator to collaborate with on a children’s book. We’re looking at about 5-10 separate illustrations featuring two characters. Since I have no artistic abilities, I need to find someone who can make things look pretty.

Respond with any general piece of work and I can let you know if you are a good fit.

* Location: Baltimore
* Compensation: $10-$20 per illustration. Assuming the work is published, partial ownership of finished product .

First off, why do so many aspiring authors know so little about publishing? It’s really not that hard to google and learn the gist of the process. Most publishing companies have artists either on staff or contracted that they prefer to work with. Scouring the web in hopes of finding some poor artist to work for pittance is just time taken from making your manuscript good enough to get noticed.

Imagining a publisher does go for both the story and the art, it is not the authors place to be offering ownership. The author owns their writing, and the artist owns their illustrations, while the publishing company owns the rights to publish both. So technically,as a contributor to the book, the artist already own a piece of it. They own the piece they did. What a generous offer!

The last painful bits of this ad lie in the pay and description of the work. “Make things look pretty,” has this light, cuddly, derogatory undertone. Apparently pretty is only worth $10-20.

Full listing