Working Fail

If This “Opportunity” Was Rare We Wouldn’t Have a Site

// July 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It seems like every day we come across someone looking for a photohsop wiz who doesn’t like money. At least this listing was pretty straight forward about what they’re looking for…

From the listing:

“YOU: are bored and broke and spend too much time in front of photoshop. you don’t have a degree. did i mention bored?

US: a busy, and (almost) broke non-profit org that helps kids with music – shows, recordings, cds, etc. too much going on and we can’t afford to hire anyone who is long term OR with a degree or anyone who has any pride or expectations whatsoever.

this is just something to do, and if you only do it once or twice that’s cool cause you’ll make $20 once in a while. please reply!

steve

IMPORTANT: if you don’t reply with a phone number someone else will get the job before you do. This shouldn’t go just for this ad – but any ad you ever reply to in the future by anyone. I had over twenty replies to my last post and most didn’t leave a phone number. I don’t have time for email tag I need this done YESTERDAY also it will be another 3 or 4 days before i have another opportunity to get on the net so don’t worry if I don’t reply asap.

ALSO: if you have a resume, or an LLC or a production company you’re probably overqualified. I’m providing a rare opportunity for a young upcoming designer to get started with something to add to the portfolio. or a broke student who needs cash. if you are a PROFESSIONAL then please step out of the way so the little guy can get a chance. “

You know what? I don’t have a degree but I’ve got a really nice portfolio, so STFU! If you have talent, you’ll find PAID work… don’t give guys like this any of your time.

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I Don’t Have The Software But If I Did It Would Be Easy

// July 10th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you don’t have software or time, you’re gonna have to pay someone who does. Why is that so hard for some people?

From the listing:

“I’m working with a band that needs some digital flyers/banners for its myspace page. The concept is very simple, but I don’t have the software or time to devote to the project.

If you’d like to know more, please contact me. Pay is $5-10 per flyer.

Thanks,
Joey”

No, you don’t have the $1000+ software, but apparently some high school kid who’s perfectly happy to work for less than minimum wage does. Hooray!

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We Need You to Be FAST Because We’re Paying Hourly

// July 10th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It never stops amazing us how employers insist that they need someone amazing and fast and offer entry level (or lower) wages.

From the listing:

“Local Retail Ad Agency in Woodstock needs a graphic artist or production artist who is a whiz at Photoshop.

WE NEED SPEED! I’m talking about building full page retail automotive ads from scratch in an hour. You need to know photoshop inside and out and be the quickest with the quick keys. You’ll get to spend some time on stuff and do cool TV graphics and design work from time to time but the most important thing is that you can work on warp speed.

We have a laid back atmosphere in Woodstock but the pace of work is FAST, FAST, FAST. We have to crank out car ads like crazy.

Did I mention you need to be fast? I’m talking blue streak, greased lightning, break-neck, faster-than-a-speeding bullet, outrunning Wally West kinda speed. The Speedy Gonzales of the G-5, the mad man of the Mac….well you get the drift.

Looking for freelancers who can work 3 days a week from our office but will absolutely turn into a full-time salaried position if you’re the right guy or gal.

Send your resume and some RETAIL samples.

* Location: Woodstock
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $125 per day or $12.50 per hour “

You’re not gonna get anyone as fast as Sonic the Hedgehog at $12.50 and hour. If you’re looking for someone fast and talented why not offer a fair flat rate per project? Decent graphic designers make that (or more) right out of school and rarely have the kind of hot key knowledge or tricks to get the job done that fast… that usually comes with years of practice.

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Use Someone Else’s Work In Your Portfolio

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Not that we ever think it’s okay to work for free to “build your portfolio” however, if you’re going to do that (perhaps for a friend) at least make sure that you can use it in your portfolio.

From the listing:

“Adult production company needs artist to take rough sketch and idea for our logo and make it a reality. All design concepts are complete. We simply need someone who can create the finished project. Looking for a student or someone who is developing a portfolio.

Thank you”

If the design is already done then it doesn’t belong to the student, hence it’s not a portfolio piece. Duh.

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Brand New Website That Doesn’t Exist Yet Runs Contests Every Month

// July 9th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

We think T-shirt contests on established websites are cool… it’s a great way for artist to get their work out to the public. But we’re hesitant to suggest that you give your work up to just any t-shirt website because nowadays they’re a dime a dozen and you might never get seen. That’s why when we see listings like this we check out the website and see what their alexa rank is.

From the listing:

“Every month CoffeyInk.com has a themed online t shirt design contest. The winner will be featured on the website next month and have your illistration/graphic design featured on our silk screened T-shirt for everyone to see. Next month’s theme will be
RAINING PICKLES, be creative, be funny, be however you want to be. You can submit a scanned drawing or graphic design. The deadline for this contest is on July 25th. Please have your submissions emailed us to then. Email at Contact@CoffeyInk.com.
We are super stoked about seeing your designs.

COFFEYINK”

However in this case, they don’t even have a website yet. It’s just a parked Godaddy website. Who do they think they’re fooling when they say “every month” they have a contest? Maybe every month they try to scam some free t-shirt ideas out of poor unsuspecting artists.

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Edgy New Way To Ask for Cheap Work!

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

You ever see one of those listings for a logo design that’s just not offering that much money and they don’t pay up front. What a waste of time right? Yeah, well this one’s got a 5 minute video you have to watch too.

“Hi Craigslisters

I’m looking for someone who can help me with a simple logo project. I’m offering $150 in compensation via check or PayPal. Check out the scoop on this little project via a description of what I’m looking for which I posted on YouTube, and you’ll also get an idea of who I am so we can feel more comfortable working together for this short project.

Here’s the link –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiP-K12l58Y

Please send your resume, a .pdf sample of your work or any other way you want to demonstrate your skills to davis [at] gotokarma.com so I can get an idea of what you can do.

Thanks and I hope to hear from you soon. “

Seriously, I wouldn’t sit through that entire video for $150 let alone just send free ideas to this guy. It sounds that he’s trying to outsource his own work to get cheap ideas. That seems likely when you check out his website, http://www.karmaentrepreneur.com/ He says he’ll pay you when the work is done, but we’re going to suggest that you draft a contract before starting. He expects hundreds of submissions, but with only 5 views on the video it doesn’t seem likely. Despite his “great results” we suggest staying away from cheap guys who fancy themselves clever entrepreneurs.

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RE of the Week: Helpful DIY Tips

// July 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Someone needs a wordpress site on a shoestring budget and one person had some brilliant advice.

Original Listing:

“Graphic design for Wordpress (Lower East Side)

Needed: a simple graphic (three column table displaying service offerings) for a Wordpress website, which can be edited by me from within Wordpress. Looking for a clean, minimalist design to compliment the site. If you’re talented, it should take no more than a half-hour. Thanks for reading.

•it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
•Compensation: $30

* Location: In Responce
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $30 I’m RIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!! “

Reply:

“Here’s what you do, go to Walmart with your $30 and buy some crayons
and a pad art paper and do it yourself.
Should take no more than a half-hour”

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Photo by anne.oeldorf

This Guy Should Know Better

// July 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s tough to make a living in graphic design. Clients are ready to rip you off left and right, and no one wants to pay a fair wage for the work you do. The only comfort to be found is in the knowledge that your colleagues understand the trouble you go through…. or do they?

From the listing:

I’m a graphic designer working on my own project but I’m frustrated with everything I come up with. I already have an idea that I’d like to work with – from here, you can either tell me it sucks and start from scratch or run with it with me. I know that graphic designers cost a buttload, but I’m not looking to spend too much on this, otherwise I might as well do it myself. I honestly don’t want to spend more than $20 on it (high hopes?), or we can work out a PIF or something similar. Let me know if you’re interested, I’ll give you more details.

He’s a graphic designer, but he’s just not good enough to do the logo for the project he’s working on…. but he doesn’t wanna pay more than $20 to get it done, otherwise he might as well do it himself…. hmm…. yea, maybe you should just do it yourself buddy, or better yet, consider a change of careers, and leave graphic design to the professionals.

Thanks to Jordon M. for the tip!

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Wanna Get Balls Deep With Us?

// July 1st, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Don’t you usually just submit a portfolio for this kind of thing?

From the listing:

“Co-visionary sought for daring T-shirt and logo design

Small, grass-roots, balls-deep creative media start-up seeks virginal but explosive art/fashion student for t-shirt/logo design. Write a short paragraph on why that should be you, describing any graphic, artistic skills you bring to the table. Most important, respond to the following scenario: if stranded on a deserted island for an indefinite period of time, which 3 albums (cds), or the paintings of which 3 artists would you need to survive the ordeal–and why.

Preferences to FIT, LIM, Parsons, and Wood-Tobe students, but all are fairly welcome. Peace.

* Compensation: on a work-for-hire basis or percentage of sales–depends on you and me “

It seems like this person is looking for the next Andy Warhol of T-shirt design—someone with vision and an eccentric personality, someone who’s going to explode the art scene… just to design some t-shirts.

And what exactly do YOU bring to the table here? (Other than the strange questionnaire?) It’s not so easy these days to take advantage of enthusiastic talented artists. Someone like Matt Taylor can put up a blog, create some incredible t-shirt designs and get them printed and they don’t need to describe their work to anyone.

Thanks to Jordon M for the tip!

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More Questions Than Answers

// June 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

I really want to make fun of this listing, but there are just too many unanswered questions.

From the listing:

We need an expert in Joomla and fireworks to insert are logo. Please call

• Location: DC
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $50

Am I designing the logo, or just inserting it into your site?

If I’m just inserting the logo, then why do I have to know Fireworks?

Why can’t you differentiate between “our” and “are”?

Thanks to Gary for the tip!

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