Working Fail

Time To Consider A New Business Model

// June 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Success and profits generally go hand in hand. If there’s a lot of demand for your product or service, then chances are you’re making money on it one way or another. If not, then it’s time to rethink your strategy.

From the listing:

Our startup is looking for proficient web users who are especially knowledgeable in the online shopping space. Our business provides shopping comparison service to customers in a method unique to the web. We just launched our product yesterday and are already overwhelmed with the number of requests we have received. We need to hire people immediately.

As we are a start-up with extremely limited funds, the position will be unpaid. However, we can guarantee you the following:

1. Significant exposure to the development of a web startup
2. Tremendous growth opportunity, including to paid positions (both salary and equity)
3. A solid reference whenever required
4. Flexible work schedule. You can work from wherever you want, whenever you want. We will simply tell you how many requests we need you to complete and by when, and the rest is up to you.

If this is something you might be interested in, please send us an e-mail with your resume and contact information so we can schedule an interview.

Thanks.

If they really are overwhelmed with requests for their service, either they’re just too cheap to pay for labor, or they don’t know how to properly monetize their business. Either way, I’d steer clear of them.

Thanks to Jack R. for the tip!

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Silly Designer, Websites Don’t Take Any Time

// June 25th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Designing a website takes a lot of time, and a lot of planning. The designer and the client discuss the various features that need to be implemented, and often revisions to the plan are made along the way. Due to the “back and forth” nature of web design, it can be very challenging to step into someone else’s work, get your bearings, and finish the job effectively….. but hey, you should be able to do that this Sunday afternoon. Shouldn’t cost more than $100, right?

From the listing:

Hello,
I am looking for a web designer to come out to my office in Woodbridge, Virginia this Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 12:30PM to help design two/three webpages for me. One of my designer is on leave and I need a temp to work with me on finishing the design work. I will pay up to $100 cash for your time. Please be knowledgeable with PHP, CSS, JQuery, and Javascript.

If you need someone on short notice, expect to pay a rush fee. Protip: it will definitely cost you more than $100.

Thanks to Larry S for the tip!

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$75 For a Hiphop Selling Website

// June 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Just because your website will only be 2 pages doesn’t mean it should cost less than $100, especially when you consider that you want a shopping cart and music player.

From the listing:

“i need a 2 page hiphop beat selling website. a site design so i can sell my hiphop,r&b,house beats on.i need this like asap. email me or call me at 832-208-5311 ask for TINK.
below are a few examples sites.

http://www.20dollarbeats.com/

http://www.beats4tracks.com/

http://www.vitalbeats.com/

* Compensation: 75.00 ”

No one ever really knows what they’re asking for. If you think a website with a shopping cart will only be 2 pages then maybe you’ve never shopped online… not to mention it’s going to occur to you during development that you need things like a contact page, FAQ, terms of service, etc… which totals out to more than 2 pages. Even beyond that, most sites are built with some kind of content management system and most web designers don’t quote you a price based on the number of pages you need anymore. This just ig’nant.

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Photo by madaboutasia

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

// June 12th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

Just read the whole thing… the punch line is at the end!

From the listing:

“MUST ME LOCAL AND HAVE REFERENCES!!!!!!!!

I need a local computer and graphics firm that can build something great, fast.

Requirements are basic; must have great grammar and not need me to tell you everything that needs to be done 20 times a day.
Must be able to have a server that can take thousands of hits at any time.
Must know e-commerce
Must be professional (please do not disappear at any given moment)
Need a firm, not a guy that has a computer in his living room

If you have great experience, please apply. I am on a very small budget so if you are looking for National exposure with up to 40 million hits by the end of July (Not a joke) please reply.

This is a chance for some great promotions for your company.”

Well thanks for clarifying that it’s not a joke! 40 million hits in 2 months? Clearly you’re not Google or you wouldn’t need a design firm to help you with this project… so good luck!

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Photographer Needed – I Want The Copyright For $100 Or Less!

// June 11th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Wow, people just don’t get photography!

From the listing:

I’m putting together a personal website for myself and I don’t have any high quality pics.

I would like to have 10 – 20 pics of me that I could use for my website.

I would prefer to spend less than an hour or so taking the pics and would like to meet somewhere in/around Berkeley.

Please respond with how much you would charge. Payment will be made after pics are taken and delivered. I will require that I retain all rights to the pics.

thanks!

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $100 or less

There’s a few things wrong here. First off, you’re not going to get a wide variety of photos in less than an hour worth of shooting. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for background changes, clothing changes, or any other variations you might want in your pics. While $100 is reasonable for an hour of a photographer’s time, it doesn’t even come close to covering the copyright on the photos. Expect to pay hundreds, if not thousands of dollars for the copyright to the photos. By relinquishing all rights to you, the photographer is giving up the right to use the photographs in their portfolio, or for any other commercial use they may come up with.  Just buy yourself a camera and a tripod, and take your own pictures. It’s better for everyone that way.

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The Power Of Imagination!

// June 11th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

The mind is an amazing thing. It can create illusions so real that you could believe they actually happened in the real world rather than taking place solely in your own mind.

From the listing:

I am making a progressive film, music, photo project and need a really good website with also a store to buy photos. so I see people charging 100 bucks to make a storefront… so i would like this to be included.

i have a company who can print the photos.

i have all the aspects of the site setup.

I am of course trying to get a good deal… but this is very important investment for me. so let me know what you charge.
call me,

This guy ACTUALLY thinks he saw someone offering a custom storefront for $100! That’s amazing! Any and all psychology majors looking for a subject for their thesis should contact this guy and ask him to describe in detail the fantasy world in which he lives.

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Big Ideas From A Small Mind

// June 11th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Starting a business can be a challenging, but rewarding experience. You need two things to get your fledgling venture off the ground: time, and money. While time keeps on slipping into the future, there are plenty of ways to make money for your new business. Come up with a business model, and approach local banks, ask friends and family members for a loan, tap into your savings, or sell off some stuff you’re not using anymore. Why do I put such an emphasis on money? Because no one is going to work for you for free.

From the listing:

I am looking for a web programmer. LAMP config. This is probably initially a 500 hour project. I can help with the engineering. This is a nationwide rollout with multiple viable revenue models. I have potential investors. But I need a working protoype and general proof of concept. I will bring the right person aboard forever as a shareholder.

Call me crazy, but 500 hours of work in exchange for shares in a company that may very well flop just doesn’t sound like a good trade to me. A smart, business savvy person would be able to come up with the money to pay a developer to work on the project rather than asking for handouts.

Thanks to Jim L for the tip!

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Need A Magazine Layout – Firm $50-$75 Budget

// June 2nd, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Has this guy never heard of pro-themes?

From the listing:

I need a Wordpress powered website redesigned. I have a Wordpress powered blog for my current site but I would like to make it less like a blog and more like a magazine format. Something similar to Hypebeast, High Snobiety, and Complex Magazine Blog. Budget is firm as I just need someone to create me a custom theme and I can tweak the site myself after. Respond to the post with your name, location, and some of your past work.

I’ll do it for $80 and then buy you one of those $60 magazine themes… sound like a good deal? Seriously, who would spend a week designing this guy a custom site design for so little? What a cheap ignorant jerk!

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What To Do, What To Do?

// June 2nd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

I COULD work on building this guy’s website (sounds like from scratch, even though he uses the term “optimize”)…

I need my three photography based websites optimized, links added, some light flash, setup shopping carts, coding Tags, etc. You must be good at drawing traffic. Estimate 15 -20 hrs. Can become a long term project if you are good, quick and provide stats and results. Must have 3 references and examples of sites you have worked on. NO contracts, I am looking for a very quick, smart self starter – college students would be great. Hours flex but need progress made asap.

…OR I could get a job folding clothes at the mall and have nothing expected of me other than neat stacks of t-shirts.

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RE: of the Week – DID YOU KNOW THIS IS CONSIDERED YELLING?!

// June 1st, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s tiring to look for jobs and only find crappy gig after crappy gig. That’s why it’s refreshing when someone tears a job poster a new one.

From the Original Listing:

I’m looking to test on wendsday with a strong visioned beauty photographer. Work must be industry qaulified . NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!
This will be tight beauty shots of model ,makeup and lighting.Only agency models .I’m thinking 1 look for 3 models. If your looking to do some great beauty with a great makeup artist let me know .
I’m not looking to fool around . I don’t have the time. So if your a awsome photographer send me your website . I’ll send you mine. Thanks

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From the Reply:

1 ) You can’t spell
2 ) What is “industry qualified work?”
3 ) What is up with the unprofessional attitude?
4 ) Why don’t you post your website so you can find photographers who match your strengths and avoid wasting everyone’s time?
5 ) You lack an understanding of punctuation or you are sloppy
6 ) Do you really expect to get agencies to deliver 3 models for just one look?
7 ) Which agencies are you looking to test? DNA, Supreme, or Ikon and BMG?
8 ) Why don’t you work with the other photographers you have worked with in the past?
9 ) you have set the day, the demands, so why not set a rate?
10 ) DID YOU KNOW THIS IS CONSIDERED YELLING?!

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Amen sista!