Working Fail

Re of the Week: You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth

// July 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

In this case we didn’t get to the original quick enough, but we remember coming across it. Basically someone was asking for Voice Over work for $1.30 per 8 seconds of usable audio… which you can probably guess is not the way this works.

Read the response below:

“I am curious as to how you arrived at that figure. It is so low and out of the ballpark as to be insulting. Voice work is priced not only by the amount of time spent recording, but also by how the recordings are going to be used. There is a derisive term for people in VO who work cheap, “dollar a holler”, and most often they are not very good. If you want any quality at all, be prepared to budget realistically. $1.30 is less than a cup of coffee, and you want to use someone’s voice unto perpetuity for that amount??? You’d be well served by researching what VO goes for in the real world, and repost when you allocate realistic budget for this. NOBODY should respond to this ad, except to ask fair rates for the work, which will most likely be used and reused without any further pay to you.”

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Time To Consider A New Business Model

// June 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Success and profits generally go hand in hand. If there’s a lot of demand for your product or service, then chances are you’re making money on it one way or another. If not, then it’s time to rethink your strategy.

From the listing:

Our startup is looking for proficient web users who are especially knowledgeable in the online shopping space. Our business provides shopping comparison service to customers in a method unique to the web. We just launched our product yesterday and are already overwhelmed with the number of requests we have received. We need to hire people immediately.

As we are a start-up with extremely limited funds, the position will be unpaid. However, we can guarantee you the following:

1. Significant exposure to the development of a web startup
2. Tremendous growth opportunity, including to paid positions (both salary and equity)
3. A solid reference whenever required
4. Flexible work schedule. You can work from wherever you want, whenever you want. We will simply tell you how many requests we need you to complete and by when, and the rest is up to you.

If this is something you might be interested in, please send us an e-mail with your resume and contact information so we can schedule an interview.

Thanks.

If they really are overwhelmed with requests for their service, either they’re just too cheap to pay for labor, or they don’t know how to properly monetize their business. Either way, I’d steer clear of them.

Thanks to Jack R. for the tip!

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Wait, You Mean You Don’t Get Free Stuff in Your Inbox All The Time?

// June 27th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Jeez, usually people who want to see your designs before they pay you at least try to get you excited about designing a logo for free by calling it a “contest.”

From the listing:

“Logo needed for website who sells contracts.

Submit a logo of a Music Note with arms and a briefcase.

Play with color and be creative. The pay is $75.00.

Please email us your ideas and we’ll purchase the one we choose!! Thanks!

P & J “

What other industry does that work in? Do you go into a nail salon and ask for your nails to be done before you decide to pay for them? If someone is doing work for you, they should be paid. That’s why artists have portfolios. You get to look at the caliber of their work to help you decide who you want to hire.

Also, $75 is RIDICULOUSLY low for a logo.

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High Traffic Link Exchange: Atleast 2-3 Hits A Day!

// June 27th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s always a good idea to check out someone’s rank on Alexa.com before taking their word for it that they have a “high traffic” website.

From the listing:

“Fashion company with 2 online magazines wants to cross promote with those individuals that have high traffic fashion oriented blogs Please contact us ASAP as we will design your ad and place in the next issue in exchange for an ad on your site. We are looking to increase our already high readership! www(dot)efmag.explorefashions(dot)com and www(dot)imajinfash(dot)com.”

So the first website has an Alexa rank of over 3 million which might mean they get between 1 and 20 hits a day. The second site they list doesn’t even have a rank yet, meaning it’s brand new. No one with decent traffic would have anything to gain from linking to these sites and anyone who knows what they are doing when it comes to promoting their website and increasing traffic won’t be fooled by the promise of their “already high readership.” Maybe you’ll get another website that gets 30-50 hits a day to care. If that’s what you consider high traffic, then great!

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Photo by Porcelaingirl

Do The Work Now, We’ll Pay You In The Fall….. Maybe

// June 27th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

When looking for help with your website,  it’s best not to go around trumpeting your success, and then make the firm declaration that you can’t pay for work.

From the listing:

We are looking for a reliable PHP developer to help revamp and update a popular website designed for the Boulder area. We launched last February and the reaction has been incredible, far exceeding our expectations! By the end of the semester there were over 1,000 students visiting daily.

This summer we are working on expanding our project and updating the look of the site. We can not offer $ compensation at the moment, but we will be generating revenue starting in the fall. This website has already won a prestigious award, been mentioned on NPR’s “On Point”, and is well know within the community. Lots of opportunity for growth, and would make a strong addition to your portfolio. If you would like to learn more about this project shoot me an email.

Ohhh but you might have money in the fall…. well that’s different. I’ll do the work in the fall then…. when you can pay.

Thanks to Josh D. for the tip!

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Work For $10/HR Now, And We’ll Give You $15/HR Later

// June 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Let me share a little piece of advice with  any employer looking to hire a talented web designer. Before you put up any job listings for the position, come up with a number you’d like to offer the designer, then think about what the kid who bags your groceries makes, and compare the two numbers. If they’re within two-dollars-an-hour of one another, then you’re going to have to significantly up the rate you’re willing to pay the designer.

From the listing:

America’s Production Company, Inc. is now hiring an experienced web-designer. We have several clients that are currently in the pre-production process for web-design and the post-production process for video and photo.
-Entry level position
-Must know Dreamweaver, flash, photoshop, fireworks, swish, php, joomla, cold fusion, final cut pro
-Looking for someone to start next week, part-time (3 days a week) $10 an hour for the first 4 weeks, then increase to $15 an hour on week 5 with monthly evaluations and raises as well as bonus potential
You do not have to be an expert at server side technologies, but you should be able to pull off a form, or a dynamic website, so a client can update their site their self.

We need a web designer ASAP so please send your portfolio along with an email of why you would be the best person for the job.

While $15/hr is not uncommon for a designer straight out of school, $10/hr is completely unheard of. Either start your new hire at a respectable rate of pay, or consider outsourcing the entire project to a design company. HINT: Either way, you’ll pay more than $10/hr.

Thanks to Elizabeth W for the tip!

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But You Don’t Really Know Do You?

// June 19th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s so hard to want to work with someone who claims that their web project is simple but clearly doesn’t understand how to do it themselves, meaning they don’t really know.

From the listing:

“I have a website that has all my info and stuff, but now I want to add a blog to it.
I’m currently writing a blog with a third party website, but it’s becoming successful and I want to do it on my own.

Looking for someone who can add blog capabilities to my website that will leave it in a state that I can add updates frequently on my own.

I also want it set up for Google Ad Words and any other possible ad oppts.

Pay is negotiable, but I don’t forsee this being a huge job since the website already exists and I don’t really want to alter it drastically.

Am a normal, sane, cool, honest person. Please be the same.

Thanks for your help in advance.”

Maybe adding a blog to your website isn’t a tricky project, or maybe you’re website is a little complicated and designing a blog to match will take some extra work. I have no clue without seeing what you’ve got, but I’d still charge you what I charge to set up any other blog, no matter what you forsee.

Oh and it’s Google Adsense. AdWords is the one where YOU advertise on other sites.

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10,000 People At a Party = Big Party, But…

// June 18th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

We really don’t appreciate it when job listings call a non-paying gig a “position” or “job.” In this case, that’s just the beginning of it. There’s just so many things wrong with this.

From the listing:

“I’m looking for writers for online magazine. The magazine is about philadelphia from its nightlife to it restaurants and everything between. I’m looking specific writers.

Writers:
Bar & Club reviews
Restaurant reviews
Movie Reveiws
Arts & Entertainment
Philadelphia Gossip

This is not a payed position, but is a position where you get to start your own column. The position you want will have your story with your column in it only. We will put a picture of you up and your name stating who writes for this particular area. Great job for someone who wants to start getting into the writing business and you can use this position for your resume.

Looking for people to start right away. Choose what spot you would like to write for and submit your article to me and I’ll get it up right away. Try to include a picture if you can of the area your writing about. If not, I’ll find one for you. Please include your full name and a picture of your self so we can get your column up and running today.

The online magazine will be called PMZ Magazine. It will be a magazine about the Philly area, stories of celebrities, but also of things going on daily around our area. I have already built a fan base ready for this magazine release of over 10,000 people. I had a PMZ release party and the turn out was GREAT! So in other words you will have alot of people reading your article and are ready now.”

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Okay so 10,000 people huh? In terms of internet traffic that’s not really that big of a deal unless all of those 10,000 people visit your site every 10 minutes. But what’s fishy is they claim to have thrown a party to gain the interest of 10,000 people…. we’ve been to conventions that size and it’s a massive amount of people to have in one place so unless this guy rented out the Philadelphia Convention Center just for a party, he’s full of it. And if he DID organize a 10,000 person party then he’s got more cash than he’s leading you to believe. Don’t work for this knucklehead for free. You’re not going to gain good exposure, you’re just going to be associated with this guy.

$75 For a Hiphop Selling Website

// June 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Just because your website will only be 2 pages doesn’t mean it should cost less than $100, especially when you consider that you want a shopping cart and music player.

From the listing:

“i need a 2 page hiphop beat selling website. a site design so i can sell my hiphop,r&b,house beats on.i need this like asap. email me or call me at 832-208-5311 ask for TINK.
below are a few examples sites.

http://www.20dollarbeats.com/

http://www.beats4tracks.com/

http://www.vitalbeats.com/

* Compensation: 75.00 ”

No one ever really knows what they’re asking for. If you think a website with a shopping cart will only be 2 pages then maybe you’ve never shopped online… not to mention it’s going to occur to you during development that you need things like a contact page, FAQ, terms of service, etc… which totals out to more than 2 pages. Even beyond that, most sites are built with some kind of content management system and most web designers don’t quote you a price based on the number of pages you need anymore. This just ig’nant.

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Photo by madaboutasia

Artist Who’s Hobby is Working for Free Needed

// June 12th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s amazing how job posters can really contradict themselves in the same listing…

“looking for someone who can draw and is very creative. need a model/artists rendition of my new restraunt/business idea. a few inside angle views in color based on some ideas that i give you.”

Anyone who’s done interior work like this knows that it takes a lot time and lots of planning and correct perspective. A restaurant in particular with lots of tables and chairs might require some objects being on different angles, etc. This is no easy task.

“looking for this cheap or free (if its just a hobby of yours)…let me know.”

Errr… no.

“i realize this is how people make a living.”

No you don’t! You just said you want a hobbyist to do it for free!

“about 8-10 drawing/pics total. just 8×10 maybe larger. well start with one pic as an interview to see if our styles match or ideas are coming out like i would like. eventually this will be part of my business plan so it has to be good. send me some examples of your portfolio.”

And OF COURSE you want one for free before you commit… EVEN THOUGH you’ll be viewing their portfolio first. If someone’s capable you’ll know from their portfolio.

Are you going to ask your cooks to make some meals for customers for free to see if they like them first? Or better yet let your customers eat there once or twice before they really decide they like it enough to pay you? And by the way, if you’re going to open a “restraunt” LEARN HOW TO SPELL RESTAURANT!

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