Working Fail

10,000 People At a Party = Big Party, But…

// June 18th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

We really don’t appreciate it when job listings call a non-paying gig a “position” or “job.” In this case, that’s just the beginning of it. There’s just so many things wrong with this.

From the listing:

“I’m looking for writers for online magazine. The magazine is about philadelphia from its nightlife to it restaurants and everything between. I’m looking specific writers.

Writers:
Bar & Club reviews
Restaurant reviews
Movie Reveiws
Arts & Entertainment
Philadelphia Gossip

This is not a payed position, but is a position where you get to start your own column. The position you want will have your story with your column in it only. We will put a picture of you up and your name stating who writes for this particular area. Great job for someone who wants to start getting into the writing business and you can use this position for your resume.

Looking for people to start right away. Choose what spot you would like to write for and submit your article to me and I’ll get it up right away. Try to include a picture if you can of the area your writing about. If not, I’ll find one for you. Please include your full name and a picture of your self so we can get your column up and running today.

The online magazine will be called PMZ Magazine. It will be a magazine about the Philly area, stories of celebrities, but also of things going on daily around our area. I have already built a fan base ready for this magazine release of over 10,000 people. I had a PMZ release party and the turn out was GREAT! So in other words you will have alot of people reading your article and are ready now.”

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Okay so 10,000 people huh? In terms of internet traffic that’s not really that big of a deal unless all of those 10,000 people visit your site every 10 minutes. But what’s fishy is they claim to have thrown a party to gain the interest of 10,000 people…. we’ve been to conventions that size and it’s a massive amount of people to have in one place so unless this guy rented out the Philadelphia Convention Center just for a party, he’s full of it. And if he DID organize a 10,000 person party then he’s got more cash than he’s leading you to believe. Don’t work for this knucklehead for free. You’re not going to gain good exposure, you’re just going to be associated with this guy.

Design A Site Powered On Love, And You’ll Be Paid In Dreams!

// May 28th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If everyone would just hug their neighbor, we’d all live our dreams, and the world would be a better place, right? Selling community service oriented T-shirts will likely help the world reach that goal, so you should be willing to design a site to sell said shirts for free, right?

From the listing:

We have a community service orientated t shirt company and we need a website that will enable us to sell the shirts while encouraging people to strive to accomplish their dreams.
A portion of the proceeds go to a youth mentoring organization and the purpose of the website and of the t shirts is to inspire people to know that no matter what difficulties we are going through in life, we must go after our dreams and always remember that there are ways that we can contribute to the lives of others in need (time, prayer, money, encouragement, inspiration). The company is based on the ideas that “service is the rent we pay for living on this earth” and “to whom much is given, much is expected” and “Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others.” St. Augustine

We would like the site to enable customers to view and purchase the shirts and also show inspiring quotes or pictures such as “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO GIVE BACK” “HOW ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE LIVES OF OTHERS’ “IT IS UP TO US TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE” “BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD” and lastly “IF YOU BELIEVE IT, THEN YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT”.

Perhaps someone will design a site in exchange for an ad on the site which will enable you to get more business? Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
Liz

While I find their plan to donate some of their profits to charity respectable, it doesn’t excuse the fact that they’re looking for someone to design them a free website that they intend on profiting on. Oh, wait, they’re offering adspace in exchange for the site design. Internet ads don’t do terribly well unless they’re placed on extremely high traffic websites (10k visitors a day or better), and I doubt this site will be high traffic. After about 327 years, the business generated from that ad might balance out the cost of the website – that sounds fair, right? After all, you’re helping the community by giving them a profitable website!

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Paid Internship! And By Paid We Mean Not Paid

// May 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It’s totally understandable that internships aren’t always paid… in very competitive industries it’s often the only way to get the experience you need. And if an internship is paid, that’s really great. Unfortunately not everyone seems to know what “paid” means.

From the listing:

Paid marketing internship at a local music company (Minneapolis)

Our company is currently hiring summer marketing interns. We encourage both men and women to apply but are particularly interested in providing opportunities to aspiring female marketing students.

For the qualified college aged individual, this would allow you to get hands on experience working with local and national acts, learn about the operations of a full-scale music company and be behind the scenes for the music making process: recording sessions, photo shoots, video shoots and putting on large scale shows.

Hands on learning would come from creating marketing materials and assisting with promotional efforts.

Qualifications:
Exceptional computer skills
Prefer experience with InDesign, Photoshop, Illustrator and Final Cut Pro
Excellent written skills
Excellent communication skills
Ability to multi-task
Quick learner

After completing 100 hours our interns would be eligible for $700 of studio time, photography, videography or shared music practice space. Please provide a resume and cover letter when replying.

* Location: Minneapolis
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $700 in studio time, photography, videography or shared practice space

So you’re looking for someone who’s skilled in graphics and writing and you’re offering them studio time at your music company in exchange for 100 hours of their time. Can I just take the $7 an hour?

Oh and I’m sure that you are interested in providing females a (small) opportunity you perverts…

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Marketing & Sales = Customer Service/Telemarketing?

// April 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

We’re not sure why employers like to inflate job titles to make a job sound better when obviously they’re not inflating pay rates. Marketing usually implies that you’re involved in the creative work and actual marketing, and sales can imply commission, so a title like Marketing & Sales doesn’t sound half bad. But telemarketing, working behind a counter in retail doesn’t sound as glamorous. And it shouldn’t be for $9 a hour. Oh and if you have a design background, that’d be great too because you’re going to be sending out targeted emails. You can pay your loans for design school on $9 an hour part time right?

From the listing:

MARKETING AND SALES ASSISTANT – PART TIME: SIGN-A-RAMA the World’s largest sign company has an opening for a Marketing and Sales Assistant operating from the Chelmsford, MA store. Individual must be out-going, energetic and demonstrate good common sense in developing customer image solutions. A Professional appearance is important and previous customer relationship experience is preferred. Must have good telemarketing skills. A graphics design background is preferred, but other backgrounds will be considered. Job involves working from Chelmsford store 9:00am to noon, Monday thru Friday. Responsibilities include telemarketing, targeted mailings, targeted e-mailings and follow up calls. Some front counter work is involved too. Good potential for advancement to full time position.

* Location: Chelmsford MA
* Compensation: $9/Hr

Seriously guys, call it what it is.

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