Working Fail

Re of the Week: You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth

// July 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

In this case we didn’t get to the original quick enough, but we remember coming across it. Basically someone was asking for Voice Over work for $1.30 per 8 seconds of usable audio… which you can probably guess is not the way this works.

Read the response below:

“I am curious as to how you arrived at that figure. It is so low and out of the ballpark as to be insulting. Voice work is priced not only by the amount of time spent recording, but also by how the recordings are going to be used. There is a derisive term for people in VO who work cheap, “dollar a holler”, and most often they are not very good. If you want any quality at all, be prepared to budget realistically. $1.30 is less than a cup of coffee, and you want to use someone’s voice unto perpetuity for that amount??? You’d be well served by researching what VO goes for in the real world, and repost when you allocate realistic budget for this. NOBODY should respond to this ad, except to ask fair rates for the work, which will most likely be used and reused without any further pay to you.”

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Tags: clueless, pay too low, RE of the Week

I Don’t Have The Software But If I Did It Would Be Easy

// July 10th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you don’t have software or time, you’re gonna have to pay someone who does. Why is that so hard for some people?

From the listing:

“I’m working with a band that needs some digital flyers/banners for its myspace page. The concept is very simple, but I don’t have the software or time to devote to the project.

If you’d like to know more, please contact me. Pay is $5-10 per flyer.

Thanks,
Joey”

No, you don’t have the $1000+ software, but apparently some high school kid who’s perfectly happy to work for less than minimum wage does. Hooray!

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Tags: graphic design, pay too low

We Need You to Be FAST Because We’re Paying Hourly

// July 10th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It never stops amazing us how employers insist that they need someone amazing and fast and offer entry level (or lower) wages.

From the listing:

“Local Retail Ad Agency in Woodstock needs a graphic artist or production artist who is a whiz at Photoshop.

WE NEED SPEED! I’m talking about building full page retail automotive ads from scratch in an hour. You need to know photoshop inside and out and be the quickest with the quick keys. You’ll get to spend some time on stuff and do cool TV graphics and design work from time to time but the most important thing is that you can work on warp speed.

We have a laid back atmosphere in Woodstock but the pace of work is FAST, FAST, FAST. We have to crank out car ads like crazy.

Did I mention you need to be fast? I’m talking blue streak, greased lightning, break-neck, faster-than-a-speeding bullet, outrunning Wally West kinda speed. The Speedy Gonzales of the G-5, the mad man of the Mac….well you get the drift.

Looking for freelancers who can work 3 days a week from our office but will absolutely turn into a full-time salaried position if you’re the right guy or gal.

Send your resume and some RETAIL samples.

* Location: Woodstock
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $125 per day or $12.50 per hour “

You’re not gonna get anyone as fast as Sonic the Hedgehog at $12.50 and hour. If you’re looking for someone fast and talented why not offer a fair flat rate per project? Decent graphic designers make that (or more) right out of school and rarely have the kind of hot key knowledge or tricks to get the job done that fast… that usually comes with years of practice.

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Tags: graphic design, pay too low

Use Someone Else’s Work In Your Portfolio

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Not that we ever think it’s okay to work for free to “build your portfolio” however, if you’re going to do that (perhaps for a friend) at least make sure that you can use it in your portfolio.

From the listing:

“Adult production company needs artist to take rough sketch and idea for our logo and make it a reality. All design concepts are complete. We simply need someone who can create the finished project. Looking for a student or someone who is developing a portfolio.

Thank you”

If the design is already done then it doesn’t belong to the student, hence it’s not a portfolio piece. Duh.

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Tags: graphic design, logos, no pay

Brand New Website That Doesn’t Exist Yet Runs Contests Every Month

// July 9th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

We think T-shirt contests on established websites are cool… it’s a great way for artist to get their work out to the public. But we’re hesitant to suggest that you give your work up to just any t-shirt website because nowadays they’re a dime a dozen and you might never get seen. That’s why when we see listings like this we check out the website and see what their alexa rank is.

From the listing:

“Every month CoffeyInk.com has a themed online t shirt design contest. The winner will be featured on the website next month and have your illistration/graphic design featured on our silk screened T-shirt for everyone to see. Next month’s theme will be
RAINING PICKLES, be creative, be funny, be however you want to be. You can submit a scanned drawing or graphic design. The deadline for this contest is on July 25th. Please have your submissions emailed us to then. Email at Contact@CoffeyInk.com.
We are super stoked about seeing your designs.

COFFEYINK”

However in this case, they don’t even have a website yet. It’s just a parked Godaddy website. Who do they think they’re fooling when they say “every month” they have a contest? Maybe every month they try to scam some free t-shirt ideas out of poor unsuspecting artists.

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Tags: graphic design, illustration, no pay

Free Bad Marketing Strategy in Exchange for Giant Backyard Mural

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Wow, paintings of dogs? What a novel idea!

From the Listing:

“I have 4 dogs and thought how great would it be to paint a mural on my back fence of them. when looking off the deck to the back i could always see my dogs. thats where you come in. help me with this and if it turns out good i could niche market it for you in my area. i will go to pet stores and hang flyers at local places and get you alot of work. this is a novel idea and i have the resources to make it happen.

Joey”

Wow, usually people will insist that they’ll do all the marketing for you regardless of how it turns out when soliciting free work. This is kind of ridiculous. You know, I could go to pet stores and what not and show them pictures of my work too. Oh wait, I don’t have the resources to make it happen like Joey does.

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Tags: illustration, no pay, WTF

I Can’t Pay You, But *Wink* *Wink*

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Sure, we stress that you should ALWAYS get paid for your time, but Working Fail totally believes in barter when it’s a fair trade. But like… there are just certain lines you don’t cross…

“I have 2 computers that have spyware or something on them. My ex used to handle all of this stuff but he’s no longer welcome!
I need to hire someone (cute guy if possible, lol), to fix this pronto. I am out of work and need my laptop to find work. I can pay a little, but would prefer to offer services in trade :-O Please help!”

Okay, so is anyone else suspicious of what kind of service this woman is trading? What’s up with the “O” face and cute guy reference?

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Tags: IT, WTF

Edgy New Way To Ask for Cheap Work!

// July 9th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

You ever see one of those listings for a logo design that’s just not offering that much money and they don’t pay up front. What a waste of time right? Yeah, well this one’s got a 5 minute video you have to watch too.

“Hi Craigslisters

I’m looking for someone who can help me with a simple logo project. I’m offering $150 in compensation via check or PayPal. Check out the scoop on this little project via a description of what I’m looking for which I posted on YouTube, and you’ll also get an idea of who I am so we can feel more comfortable working together for this short project.

Here’s the link –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiP-K12l58Y

Please send your resume, a .pdf sample of your work or any other way you want to demonstrate your skills to davis [at] gotokarma.com so I can get an idea of what you can do.

Thanks and I hope to hear from you soon. “

Seriously, I wouldn’t sit through that entire video for $150 let alone just send free ideas to this guy. It sounds that he’s trying to outsource his own work to get cheap ideas. That seems likely when you check out his website, http://www.karmaentrepreneur.com/ He says he’ll pay you when the work is done, but we’re going to suggest that you draft a contract before starting. He expects hundreds of submissions, but with only 5 views on the video it doesn’t seem likely. Despite his “great results” we suggest staying away from cheap guys who fancy themselves clever entrepreneurs.

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Tags: graphic design, logos, pay too low

RE of the Week: Helpful DIY Tips

// July 7th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Someone needs a wordpress site on a shoestring budget and one person had some brilliant advice.

Original Listing:

“Graphic design for Wordpress (Lower East Side)

Needed: a simple graphic (three column table displaying service offerings) for a Wordpress website, which can be edited by me from within Wordpress. Looking for a clean, minimalist design to compliment the site. If you’re talented, it should take no more than a half-hour. Thanks for reading.

•it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
•Compensation: $30

* Location: In Responce
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $30 I’m RIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!! “

Reply:

“Here’s what you do, go to Walmart with your $30 and buy some crayons
and a pad art paper and do it yourself.
Should take no more than a half-hour”

Full Listing

Photo by anne.oeldorf

Tags: graphic design, pay too low

That’s So Funny I Forgot to Get Paid!

// July 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Why yes, I’d love to come to your house to edit hours and hours of footage for very little pay.

“I am a comedian and have a whole bunch of mini DV tapes that need to be edited. I have all the hardware and software necessary, I just need someone to come over and edit this stuff. I can pay $10 per hour cash. Sorry it isn’t more, but that’s all I can afford.

Please give me an idea of your experience and what hardware/software you have used for editing.”

Ha ha just kidding! Seriously, you’re HILARIOUS!

Full Listing

Tags: pay too low, videography