Working Fail

Help Everyone Survive The Recession… And By “Everyone” We Mean Some Scammers

// August 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Are you a patriot? Do you know all about social networking buzz words? Have we got an unpaid internship for you!

From the listing:

We are looking for college students with experience with social applications such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, etc. Your job will be to become a creative part of a new social experience, helping bring back jobs and a sense of community to our nation.

Our grass-roots effort requires creative writing and developing quality content. You will need to blog, bulletin, tweet, post, feed, get friends and develop followers.

Get involved in something that not only supports you, but your friends, family, neighbors and the country.

Requirements:

Must have knowledge of social applications such as MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Ning, iMeem, Last, LinkedIn, Tagged, bebo, etc.
Must have a strong vocabulary and creating writing skills
Must be a fan of pop culture, politics, economics and world culture

Please contact… email: intern@usa-c.com
Our website is http://www.usa-c.com

• Location: Delray Beach, FL
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

All we really know about this “company” is that they know a lot of internet buzz words like “bulletin” and “feed”, and that they aggregate other people’s content on their site, and that they’re charging people for the use of their meaningless logo. Oh, and they don’t want to pay for labor.

From their site:

What You Get

• Use of USA-C logo for labeling, marketing and branding
• Style guide for use of logo plus suggestions for you to maximize the use of the logo
• Link from our website to your website
• Certificate with registered number
• Consumers instantly recognize your products are USA-Certified, complying to US Laws

So by paying to use their logo on your site or product, you’re showing consumers that you adhere to all the laws you have to adhere to in order to do business in this country?!? I really hate people who take advantage of other peoples’ patriotism to make a buck.

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No One Really Understands SEO

// August 5th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Funny Job Listings

SEO (search engine optimization) is extremely complex, but at the end of the day, it really depends on your content. If you don’t have content relevant to your desired search terms, then no amount of effort from an SEO expert can keep you at the top of your desired google and yahoo searches.

From the listing:

looking for a one man shop, not a company, to help me optimize our already established webpage on google and yahoo to start appearing on the first page. I don’t believe that I should actually have to pay the $$Thousands that these companies are asking for to get this to happen. If you know how to help, please contact me. Looking for immediate help.

• Location: Oak Park
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: Depending on results

The fact that the pay depends on performance implies two things: first, that you won’t be paid until the work is done, and second, that if they don’t feel like they’re coming up high enough in search results, they will take it out of your pay. As stated above, the search placement depends in part on the efforts of the SEO expert, and on the efforts of the site owner. Basing your potential pay on results could result in low pay for the employee due to the actions of the employer – needless to say, we advise against taking work like this.

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Just Because Your Coffee House Is Doing Poorly Doesn’t Make it “Non Profit”

// August 4th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Non profit organizations often do very good work for charitable causes. Those organizations generally accept and process donations on behalf of a charity. Sometimes, they offer a product or service in exchange for you donation. Let’s be clear though – retailers and restaurants are seldom in business for someone else’s gain.

From the listing:

We’re looking for someone who loves acoustic music and would love to design some posters / flyers for our non-profit coffeehouse in Marblehead.
We’d love to develop a cool “branding” for our posters —something eye catching and very friendly—-
Our season starts in mid-September so we’ll need our September posters soon!

Perks: free admission to shows and a great deal on drinks / goodies.

Hope to hear from you!

So in exchange for hundreds of dollars worth of work, I’ll get a couple free cups of coffee, and admission into some shows…. no thanks, I’ll just take the money.

Also, a non profit coffee house?? Seriously? At least come up with a believable lie when you’re fishing for free labor.

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Wanna Build A Video Game For Free?

// August 4th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Developing a video game takes a lot of work. The game engine needs to be programmed, all of the characters and environments need to be modeled in 3D, and the whole package needs to be tweaked, and tested for playability….. but one unpaid “intern” should be able to handle most of that, right?

From the listing:

Summary of Responsibilities: Develop Game play systems as per cross-platform applications requirements. Responsible for development of innate 3D interactive experiences.

Qualifications: Strong math skills, Familiarity with Maya, Blender, Cinema 4D or similar application, apart from on hands experience of C++, C# and Game Programming.

Job Type: Pre-Professional (Internship)

Name of Employer: Third-Row, LCC

Salary: Unpaid Internship

Specific information to apply for the position: Email Scott Shaw [scott@third-row.com]

In an internship, it’s legally required that the intern not be doing a heavy load of work, and that they be learning valuable skills while on the job. In this case, it sounds like neither is true.

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Artist Seeks Writer Lacking Integrity

// August 3rd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Any journalist with any amount of journalistic integrity is unlikely to promote someone for the promise of pay. To do so is to put ones’ career in jeopardy. Should the general public learn that your opinion is for sale, they will simply stop reading your work.

From the listing:

Do you write artciles about new artists and get them published on the net or in newspapers or magazines?
I am an artist loking for such a person for just 2 hours a week who can get articles on my art
in print or on the net. Please reply only if you can list URLs with your byline on them so I can check your qualifications.

Trying to pay for good press is shameful. Taking pay for good press is even more despicable. I’m honestly not sure which I loathe more – the artist doing the hiring, or the “journalist” who takes them up on it.

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Seeking Wicked Smart, Hard Working Writer For Good Times, No Pay!

// August 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

If you’re looking to work in internet marketing, it’s very important to build your own personal brand. You want your industry peers to know who you are, and you must earn their respect and attention. If you’re going to have someone else do all of that for you, we strongly suggest that you at least offer them a fair wage.

From the listing:

If you enjoy reading and learning about marketing, especially Internet related marketing, this may be the internship for you. I need someone to go and read marketing and business material at a variety of blogs and news sources online, and make real (not spammy) comments (thought provoking or insightful or funny comments) on the content of each of the posts on those blogs.

You must be:

Wicked smart
Detail oriented
A great communicator
Trustworthy
Hardworking
Adaptable
Insightful
A native English speaker
Someone who LOVES business/marketing
Someone who has an extremely positive attitude toward life
Someone with your own computer and internet connection
Someone with an intense desire to win and be the best
Someone who works independently

Funny is a plus
Speed reading skills a plus.

I expect you to be a rock star at writing.

You will be making connections with some of the most popular business/marketing minds in the English-speaking world, so it’s important that your comments are interesting, helpful, and build relationships within the blogs you’re commenting on.

You will need to respond to the content as soon as possible after it is posted (which means subscribing to the blogs in an RSS Reader like Google Reader, and possibly having updates sent to your phone or email, whichever will let you post responses most quickly).

If you’re not familiar with RSS/XML/Google Reader, this internship isn’t for you.

I will be sending you an OPML (XML) list of blogs you will need to import and then read and monitor in your Google Reader account.

The first 30-45 days of this work will be an unpaid internship. At which time, if there is a mutual fit and the work you’ve done has been done in a quality fashion, we will negotiate an hourly rate not to exceed $9/hour.

So they want someone to build their personal brand for them without pay for the first month, and then for substandard pay after that? A word to the wise – don’t underpay the people that control how the rest of the world views you… it could very well blow up in your face.

Thanks to Carrie for the tip!

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If This “Opportunity” Was Rare We Wouldn’t Have a Site

// July 21st, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It seems like every day we come across someone looking for a photohsop wiz who doesn’t like money. At least this listing was pretty straight forward about what they’re looking for…

From the listing:

“YOU: are bored and broke and spend too much time in front of photoshop. you don’t have a degree. did i mention bored?

US: a busy, and (almost) broke non-profit org that helps kids with music – shows, recordings, cds, etc. too much going on and we can’t afford to hire anyone who is long term OR with a degree or anyone who has any pride or expectations whatsoever.

this is just something to do, and if you only do it once or twice that’s cool cause you’ll make $20 once in a while. please reply!

steve

IMPORTANT: if you don’t reply with a phone number someone else will get the job before you do. This shouldn’t go just for this ad – but any ad you ever reply to in the future by anyone. I had over twenty replies to my last post and most didn’t leave a phone number. I don’t have time for email tag I need this done YESTERDAY also it will be another 3 or 4 days before i have another opportunity to get on the net so don’t worry if I don’t reply asap.

ALSO: if you have a resume, or an LLC or a production company you’re probably overqualified. I’m providing a rare opportunity for a young upcoming designer to get started with something to add to the portfolio. or a broke student who needs cash. if you are a PROFESSIONAL then please step out of the way so the little guy can get a chance. “

You know what? I don’t have a degree but I’ve got a really nice portfolio, so STFU! If you have talent, you’ll find PAID work… don’t give guys like this any of your time.

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Make Fifty Cents An Hour! Must Be Some Good In Typing!

// July 20th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Are you a hobo with internet access? Have I got a job for you! You could earn an impressive 50 cents per hour!

From the listing:

You need to convert captcha to text.

1) You must work atleast 2 hours a day

2) I can pay only 0.5 $ per hour.

3)Please talk  or chat with me through gtalk(lokesh755@gmail.com) or through skype(lokesh755).

4)You must be some good in typing..

Lowest bid gets work soon..

The thing I find most upsetting is that he expects offers lower than the “0.5$” (more commonly known as fifty cents) per hour that he’s offering.

Thanks to Worth More for the tip!

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Come To My House, And Design Websites For Free!

// July 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

It goes without saying (or at least it SHOULD go without saying) that you shouldn’t just go to a strangers house to hang out for eight hours a day. Especially if that stranger expects you to work for free for three months.

From the listing:

I am start my internship program again in hopes to find and new person to train and later have work for my small business. This is a home business. We do web design and cumputer support and you will need to learn both to stary after the internship. The training is 3 months and PLEASE if you can’t do the training in 3 months or do with out pay for the 3 months DO not contact us. WE will no longer be training and paying interns to train them.

So this guy wants an “intern” to go to his house, and work for his “company” for THREE MONTHS without pay….. well….  that might be ok if he’s wealthy, and is planning on providing room and board for those three months.

Thanks to Michael B for the tip!

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Beware The Craigslist Repairman

// July 18th, 2009 // No Comments » // Funny Job Listings

Craigslist can be a great place to get a good deal on computer repair services, but it’s always a good idea to ask questions, and get to know the repairman (and his skill set) that you plan to use.

From the listing:

I have a motherboard with bad power port on it. Usually I would do it, but because of it being a customers computer im not willing to take the risk messing it up. The computer will be disassembled prior to bringing it, and all I need is the new port soldered to the motherboard. I already have the new port, and the correct solder (.22) to use. I even have a gun if you need it. Send your offers and I’ll skim through them for whichevers best. Please have experience, or know what your doing. Thanks

Anthony

So basically he’s looking for a BETTER repairman to fix the motherboard for his customer…. now that’s classy.

Thanks to Jennifer for the tip!

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